We picked you because you licked our iced coffee. I said ‘she likes what we like’ and that’s how we picked between you and your sister. Somehow we missed the (physical) thing that truly set you apart from your sister (who is named Zelda and eventually ended up in the care of Rachel’s family), which is your thumbs thumbs.
I remember being so worried on the drive home with your carrier in my lap. I couldn’t help thinking that we would get into a car accident and I would blow it, this responsibility. We made it home without incident but that drive remains one of if not the most nerve wracking drives of my life.
Rachel and I fell into roles that may or may not be an echo of things to come, where I am the one who spoiled you which Rachel was the one who gave you tough love.
I remember when you brought in your first bird, there were feathers everywhere, I didn’t know whether to scold you or high five you.
The days when I got home before Rachel were always my favorite because you were always very affectionate to the first one home. You would jump into my lap and rub your head against my face. Sometimes you then curl up in my lap and take a nap. On weeks where Rachel worked late coming home to you was the highlight of my day. Some mornings I’d wake up and find that you had gotten between Rachel and I you would be cuddled up in my arms.
We got you a couple weeks after Rachel and I moved in together. You were always there for me when I needed someone to hug, and those first couple of months after we moved in together I needed a lot of hugs. I’m not sure we would have been able to make living together work if you hadn’t been there, and no that isn’t me just talking you up, I’ve been saying that for years. You can also take some of the credit of helping me quit smoking.
Rachel and I loved you so much, On your first birthday we threw a party for you and served crab cakes, you didn’t like them, but had a fun time anyway.
You always liked to go outside and then come right back inside an hour or so later when it rained that could be a problem as you’d want to get in bed with us sopping wet. I’d often let you out about an hour before we got up and then let you back in when we got up. The joke was that you are our weather cat, because if you were wet when you came back in, it was raining, if you was cold, it was cold.
One time when it was snowing you were out for 14 hours, that was by far the longest you’d ever been out and when you came back you were warm and dry. We’ve always speculated you were cheating on us with another family that day.
On the night of the 5th I let her you at 3am, it was raining so I expected you to be back fairly soon. But when we woke up you hadn’t come home. As the day progressed and you didn’t come home things got very nerve wracking. When I finally went to bed that evening it suddenly hit me and I burst into tears for the first time in 18 years.
The next day we put up signs and that’s when a neighbor told us that the morning of the 5th a tri-color cat was killed by a coyote very close to our house. Rachel went home and I talked to the neighbor a little longer. When I got home I could hear Rachel crying on the back steps from the street out front.
It wasn’t definitely you, but it might be, the only way we’ll ever know for sure one way or the other, is if we learn it isn’t you by you coming home. We keep hope alive but everyday it becomes a little less likely that you are alive. It’s been a month and you haven’t come back, while for a part of me you will always be my Schrodinger’s cat, I’ve had to accept that it is more likely then not that a coyote took you from me.
Accepting this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I just have so much trouble accepting that you are no more, but even if it’s true, you will always have a place in my heart until the day I die.
You were only on this world for a little over 1000 days. But I wouldn’t trade that time for anything because while there is a piece missing from my heart right now, for 1000 days our apartment was a home because you were in it.
Goodbye Kublai Linso Metcalf 8/9/11-7/5/14 I miss you so much.